Have you ever felt like it’s your absolute calling to set the world record for the longest fart? Or maybe even the loudest fart? For the record, the longest fart ever is over two and a half minutes long. And the loudest fart blasted over 190 decibels—a vehicle siren is only around 120 decibels—by someone else named Alvin Meshits. Yes, Meshits. So if you also have a name that sounds like it was predestined to break a similar record, there is one helpful tip we can provide.

Load up on beans.

We don’t mean just a bowl of chilli with beans. We’re talking purely beans if you’re really looking to set the record to let everyone know who’s worthiest of the most boorish crown of all. Legumes such as beans are known for their gassy aftermath. In fact, most high-fibre foods cause flatulence, but beans are particularly useful because they contain a specific sugar called oligosaccharide, something that our body cannot break down due to the lack of a specific enzyme called alpha-galactosidase.

This means that finding out which beans are highest in sugars is crucial to setting a new ill-bred record. A study on oligosaccharides in legumes stated that oligosaccharides represented anywhere from 25% to 46% of total sugars[i].

Which is the illest and gassiest bean of all?

According to several articles, soybeans are the fartiest and also contain the highest percentage of sugars. Navy beans and pinto beans are the next top offenders. And other worthy contestants include black beans, lima beans, black-eyed peas, and chickpeas.

This is good news because some of these legumes also happen to be the healthiest. Soybeans, for example, contain essential omega-3 fatty acids, various vitamins, and essential minerals. Black beans and lima beans are known for their insanely high fibre content. And navy beans contain 15.8 grams of protein in just a single cup. 

Tips to make beans gassier.

The trick is to use dried beans and avoid soaking them beforehand. Boiling them in water also causes the skins to loosen, releasing oligosaccharides. Avoid eating beans with anything else as other nutrients can assist in better digestion. This means absolutely no spices and herbs.

And that’s your lowdown to achieving the best fart of all time–the amazing health benefits of beans are a pretty good bonus, too. Whether you’re emulating the loudest fart or the longest fart of all time, we’re behind you–with a safe distance–on your mission. Or even if you’re just trying to give an enemy pink eye. Let us know.

Is your favourite bean the gassiest bean?

[i] http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s002170050228